The following story is true; the dates have been changed to protect the lazy.
Last night, I heard a sound for the first time, although I still somehow
recognized it instantly. I was sitting at my computer working and I heard my
wife scream from the living room. Mind you, I’ve known her for a lot longer
than I’ve been married to her, and I feel like I’ve heard her shriek more
than once in that time…but this one was special.
Someone once said “before you get married, make sure one of you kills bugs.”
Usually I just scoot them outside on a scrap of paper or something — assuming
we get to it before one of our cats does.[^1] This didn’t sound anything
like that.[^2]
This time, once my loving wife fetched me, I found a mouse laying in the
middle of the living room. Before you get any ideas, I’m not talking about
the little plastic numbers with glued-on fur and felt ears and tail. I’m
talking a real mouse capable of real bleeding. Oh, and it was bleeding.
Fortunately (or is that _unfortunately_), none of our cats spent enough time
feral to know why they can render a mouse into this state so easily.[^3]
The answers to the two questions I remember her asking were both _yes_. Any
guesses? “Do you want a glove?” and “Is he still alive?” — he wasn’t still
there the next morning, so either he was playing dead to get the cat to lose
interest or something else happened along to finish the job. Welcome to
married life, I guess.
[^1]: Anyone with a cat will tell you it’s scientifically impossible for you
to notice the bug before the cat does, even if you and the bug are
awake in one room and the cat is asleep in another room all the way
across the house.
[^2]: If I recall correctly, that event sounds exactly like my wife walking
into whatever room I’m in with a sort of tense look on her face.
[^3]: I _swear_ I am not making this up; the most underweight of our cats has
been stealing food from the most overweight of our cats, even though
the latter is fed separately. I’ve heard of cats preferring one food
over another, but the by-prescription-only weight-loss cat food?